Shadow work
I just listened to/watched the beginning of a video with Richard Grannon, where he speaks of ego and shadow work. I’m mainly interested in shadow work, and while listening, I googled very quickly. Read one of the results briefly, and found a sentence that really stuck with me.
The goal of shadow work is integration.
I don’t think I ever thought about it that way. But yes, of course, it must be. Another thing this specific text does is to list three ways to recognize one’s shadow; through projection, triggers and patterns.
I think I’ve done quite well working through my projections, my triggers – but not so much with patterns. Or, many, many patterns – but certainly not all of them. One pattern that comes to mind immediately is how I respons to kindness and love – especially that from a partner. That my best girlfriends love me, I don’t doubt. I love them as well. But being loved romantically by someone is something that scares the shit out of me. And it struck me that perhaps that is because I’ve always feared rejection.
I’ve been rejected in oh, so many ways – and although I don’t like to admit it, I have been rejected by my dad. I don’t think he’d like to think of it that way either, and as an adult – I don’t. But from my childish point of view, he betrayed me beyond description when he entered a relationship with the woman he stayed with until he died. And considering a dad is a girl’s first love, I don’t think it is stretching it too far to think that’s where my fear come from.
Pretty much everything that I’ve done for the past 10 – 15 years have been various ways of approaching shadow work. It’s been painful beyond imagination, and I have changed so very much. I am proud of who I am today, but there’s still work to be done.
Perhaps I should try and find couple of things that I’d like to work on, and approach it in a different way than I have before. I think I’d like to do it with more distance, be more objective about it. Look at it from the outside, rather than blaming myself for being like so and so. The fear of rejection is one such thing. How I view money is another one.
I will have to come back to this, because at the moment I’m tired and I need to take Boyo outside to pee before bed. But there are most definitely patterns and fears within me that needs to be adressed. I do want to live a full life to the furthest of my ability, and that should include love and a good life when it comes to finances. Knowing what I know about attracting and manifesting, I also know that I need to shift my mindset about these things before I can do anything about them.
So I got my job cut out for me, for a while ahead. Good for me. ♥
Because I am serious about my inner and outer reality to reflect each other – on the good, beautiful and loving side, rather than the sick, filthy mess that’s been me for so long.