Heritage work
Since I reconnected with my power animal, I’ve known that I need to start releasing and letting go of all that which holds me back from living my life fully. At first, I didn’t really care what, exactly, just that it was done. But I made a journey today (with my drum – and it worked!), and had a totally different experience than what I expected.
My goal was to have a conversation with my power animal, but ended up in a ritual concerning myself, my dad, my mom, and my paternal grandparents. Mom was there, well, probably just because she could. She had no real part of the ritual.
I did have a rather emotional meetup with my dad and his parents, though. I had plenty to say regarding agreements they’ve tried to bury me in, my entire life. And they have buried me in these agreements, for a very long time. But they are holding me back, and I had to tell them to take everything back, into themselves, and let me live my life the way I want to.
These agreements concerns financial support for oneself, what one is deserving of if one cannot provide for oneself, in an endless row of.. that. And while this may have been their reality, it does not have to be mine.
My drum knows me very well, despite the fact we are very recently acquainted. I was taken someplace totally different than I’d planned.
And as usual, while visual, my journey was very dark. Loads of black, wherever I go, very obscure. It’s like watching something through a black veil.
But there is never any question about who is there. The energy about each individual is very specific, impossible to not recognize.
I’m not really used to being this emotional. I really hope I will be able to stay in touch with them, continuously, because I love being who I am with them around.
And I really hope that this journey, more than likely paired with some more, will loosen the hold these old agreements have over me, so I can go on living MY life. Not theirs. MY life.