Gratitude 220720

Love and balance

This has to do with spending time (living with) dogs, mainly. Boyo, my handsome, black German Shepherd boy, is an easy dog to be with. He has his mad ideas about some stuff, for sure, but in general, he’s a very easy dog. In stark contrast with my previous dog, Ella. She was the most amazing dog, but a pain in the ass to live with.

What I learned from Ella was – well, basically everything I know about dealing with high energy, high drive dogs. She and I had a very special relationship from start. It was love at first sight, and we grew into each other’s hips, one might say. Being apart from her hurt me physically. She taught me how to love intensely, but in a healthy way (differently from my mother). But I’d lie if I said she was an easy dog, because she wasn’t. Loving her took everything I had, and more, and our relationship was often filled with conflict.

What I am learning from Boyo is that love does not have to mean and include conflict. I am learning from him that love can be – in lack of better word, casual and easy. This is a very strange concept to me, because love has never been that for me, and in all honesty, I’m not sure I can settle for that (only).

However; I am immensely grateful for the presence of dogs in my life, and what I can learn from them. I am equally grateful being aware of what is needed from myself, in order to keep the dogs in my life happy and balanced. What they need from me is balance and stability, and even if I don’t always manage to maintain it, I know what I need to be in balance. Proper sleep and proper food are two key concepts.

I’m not sure how long it’ll take until I manage to maneuver love as a concept when it comes to relationships with humans, but at some point I hope I’ll get there.

Finances

With what’s going on in the world – the pandemic (Covid-19), the war between Ukraine and Russia, and how it effects the economy both worldwide and here in Sweden ((gas) food, power – these are the things effecting me personally the most), it is no wonder if people (including myself) start to worry if their money will be enough to last through the month.

I am a bit concerned – I’d lie if I said otherwise. My electrical bill has more than doubled from it’s usual level, and the prices of food is ridiculous at the moment – and from what I understand, not getting any better anytime soon (probably on the contrary). Given I am retired from work with a very low income, this is reason for uncertainty and worry.

But – so far, so good. I’ve had it way worse than what’s going on right now. I can pay my bills, I can get food for me, Boyo and Molly (my cat). I can buy the tobacco I want, and something small extra, if I want (which I usually do, because I love shopping).

So, my gratitude is felt for the fact that I actually do have enough. I am lucky enough to be able to get what I need, even if I may have to be even more careful in how I choose to spend my money on food. I am lucky enough to be able to pay my bills every month, and not have to give anything up. Given how my financial situation was some twelve years ago or so, I’ve learned to live in a certain way when it comes to money. I don’t need much, and I probably have fewer bills than most people do.

But still. I am, indeed, incredibly grateful that I do have enough. And that I’ll keep on having enough.