Gratitude 250605

Insights

I chose to follow a series of online workshops (sort of), for people who want to learn how to heal through their bodies, rather than the mind.

Today was the second workshop, and the teacher was talking about.. whatever it was, and I had an insight about this;

When I was a child (remember that time, sitting by some trees in the schoolyard, thinking that we were boring and un-interesting?), I felt like I was boring and of no interest to anyone. I felt empty and hollow.

As I’ve grown up to adulthood, even after finding myself, this is something that I carry with me. And I realized that I’ve built my persona and my life around the idea that I am boring and of no interest to other people. I somehow choose to be less accessible, so I can re-inforce that idea and my self-image of being a boring/un-interesting person.

There’s another insight in the fact that while I no longer feel that I am boring/un-interesting, I still live in the bubble and the persona of mirroring myself as one.

Insights rock.

My hair

As a result of the chemo treatments, I lost my hair. Since I had my last chemo (2 years and almost 3 months), my hair has grown back to the length it had before.

I love my hair.

My hair is an enormous part of my identity.

The gratitude for it growing back in such a short time (although it’s felt like forever) is larger than life. Knowing it’ll keep growing (with the way I treat it) is so very supercool. 💖

Strength

I am impressed by, and grateful for the amount of strength that I have these days.

Returning to that workshop; the teacher spoke of control, being a control-freak, what would it be like to let go of that control.. and I am grateful that I said that doesn’t work for me. I need self-control and control, so I can create and maintain balance – superimportant for my bipolar disorder.