I met mom

So, I just got off my yogamat. After my practise, I usually stay in Shavasana for a while, to relax my muscles and mind.

This is usually where I either make contact with my spiritual guides and power animal, or where I think of everything and nothing.

Today, I met mom.

This is such a weird experience. It was completely unexpected, and not like anything I’ve ever experienced with her before.

While in Shavasana, suddenly I found myself in some spring-ish environment, with loads of.. well, I think, cherry trees. White flowers all over the place – it was beautiful.

And while standing there, wondering what the heck I was doing there – there she was.

It was different. I’ve always, in almost every encounter with her, felt resentment, although dampened in that world. But this time, she was what she should have been like in life.

There was nothing of that look in her eyes, or even the feeling so deeply associated with her. She smiled, and she talked.

She told me she was sorry she hadn’t been the mother I wanted. She said that it was necessary to be this way, because I needed to learn something from it. I asked her about the others (my siblings), and she said that they have their own stories, and I gathered that those are none of my business.

Then she said that I can let go of her now, that I don’t need to hold on to her anymore. Obviously, the relationship between her and myself, is some sort of preparation for something big.

I have no idea what. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

This is by far the weirdest experience I’ve had, on the spirit side. I would never in my wildest dreams, have expected this to happen.

I did of course talk back. Not much, but a little. I told her that I cannot thank her for who she’s been and what she’s done.

What I can thank her for, however, and did thank her for, is the realization that I can let go of her.

Oh, and another thing she said (which I also find extremely interesting, and am enormously grateful that she told me) is that she is not an important person in my life. She is only a secondary person, if even that. I got the idea that her role in my life (and my siblings, most likely) was to be some sort of.. catalyst.

So, in one sense, I suppose that she’s been important.

I am in some sort of awe over this, to be honest.

Another thing to be in awe of, is that this only strengthens my idea that death is nothing but taking off a coat (life), and becoming the pure soul who entered this life. Life is just – loads of unimportant details, and that which is beyond both life and death, that really matters.

I know I’m repeating myself, but – this was SUCH an odd experience.

Can’t help but to get curious, though. If she was the catalyst for me to grow and become/do something big – what is that big thing?

I’ll just have to wait to find out.

And while I still feel less than positive about my egg donour as she was in this life, I admit that I am grateful for this visit.

Thanks, mom. Welcome back.