Choose to live
My spirit guides, my power animal, all the people on the other side of the veil, has chosen to close the doors on me. It’s not the first time, and it’s only temporary. Still, I do find it somewhat annoying. But for the first time ever, I do understand why.
All that’s been going on for the last six months or so has been – intense, to say the least. The process of re-birth took a lot out of me. My yoga practise, where I do connect with my guides, has been quite empty for about two months, by now.
But I do understand. They want to give me time to digest, to transform, to implement what I’ve learned into my reality.
Which, I might add, is way easier said than done.
I’ve spent the last couple of months trying to figure out how to live, now that those doors are closed. I have yet to find a way to actually use what I’ve learned. I think that’s one of my problems. I’m so used to living inside my head, that it has become difficult for me to use my skills in the real world. And that, regardless of my spiritual/emotional growth. To speak in Tarot terms; I am not good at the Hierophant’s skillset of drawing energy and manifesting from it.
So I thought I’d spend this post writing down exactly how I want to live. Set goals, so to speak.
I think that what is the absolutely most important thing for me is the ability to choose. To be free to be who I want to be, and live how I want to live. I am aware that I may not “be” like most people are, and the way I want to live may differ quite radically from how most people live.
Another thing that is very important to me, and that I remind myself of on a daily basis (by wearing a bracelet I made), is presence and awareness. These are two concepts I really suck at. Again, I’m so used to living 95% inside my head, that being present and aware has become quite difficult for me.
I have actually written about how I would like to live, before. Nothing has changed, really. I want to live closely to Nature, so I can connect, relax, take in and work with Her. I want that connection undisturbed – living like I do now has too many disturbances and too few opportunities.
My dream is to live in a cottage, preferably in the forest, but to the very least, far away from other people. I have plenty of options in mind – and I think most of them could and would work just fine with my idea of how I want my life to look like. I want to be able to keep animals – cats, dogs, and I’d love to keep some pygmé goats, and perhaps even some hen.
Which just brought up the issue of what stands in my way to manifest this beautiful vision – Me, Myself and I.
I just can’t see how any of these things could happen, unless I win big on the lottery. And the chances of that happening are slim, to say the least. And if I don’t, I have no idea of how to make this happen.
Maybe I could pursuade my guides to open the door for me again, to teach me the art of manifesting. That actually would rock my world, literally.
I haven’t written here for couple of months, and now that I do, my mind starts connecting things again. I’m still not present, but perhaps I should focus more on being aware and present, and to start working on a balance between my spiritual practise and how I live in the real world.
It’s like I have some sort of belief that I can be in either world, but not both at the same time. A lack of balance, which is the theme of my life. Lacking balance. So perhaps I should take a closer look at some Tarot cards and use them in my yoga practise, which is my way of meditating (among other things). I’m thinking the Chariot, the Hierophant, the Empress and perhaps some more.
The best with this blog is that it’s mine, and I don’t necessarily have to be very coherent in what I write here.
That being said; I think perhaps I should spend some time focusing on gratitude as well.
I’ll think about it.