Reflection
I just a few minutes ago realized something, which was QUITE the insight for me. 😮 Seriously – I’ve never thought about this specific matter, in this way. It’s superinteresting, and something that I am most definitely going to start working on.
The matter of where I live, and more specifically, how it looks where I live, is something that has been annoying me for many, many years. I don’t particularily like my apartment, and it’s so torn down. It’s been 18 years since it was last renovated, and I haven’t really been taking care of it the way I should. I had representants for my landlord here in the beginning of the week, as a start of the process of perhaps moving apartments. They told me I suck at cleaning, which hurt like hell – even though it’s true. It’s not like I don’t know how, it’s just that – I don’t. And the worse the apartment looks, the less I care about it.
What I realized, however, is that the way my apartment looks now, reflects who and what I was, years ago.
This is not who I am today.
So for couple of days, I’ve been thinking about what to do about my situation. And I’ve decided – even more determinded after this little moment of clarity and understanding, that I am going to a) clean out soooo much stuff that I don’t use nor need, b) clean my apartment – and if my landlord won’t, then I’ll renovate it myself. How to afford it I have no idea, but it’ll work out, somehow.
The key sentence here is; I want my living space to reflect who I am on the inside – and my inside does not reflect my apartment, these days. That short sentence really shifted my whole attitude towards this. And quite frankly, that may change my entire life, just thinking that I want my outer life to reflect my inner life.
There are a whole shitload of love in response to this insight.
And now that I’m soon out of this whole chemo treatment and radiation (which’ll occur through April), that gives me so much time to focus on this. As soon as I start feeling better after chemo (probably end of March/beginning of April), I’ll start working on this.
I can’t believe I haven’t thought about this before. My jaw is literally on the ground (from the third floor, where I live). This is actually an insight of quite the importance. And perhaps one of the most important keys to changing my entire life.
Because after all, I’m not the same person I was ten, fifteen years ago. Perhaps it’s time I start realizing that, and make the changes necessary to be that person through all parts of my life – including my home.
Oh, wow. ♥