Releasing shadow

Today’s journey was.. well, it took me forever to get in. I was (am) tired and unfocused, but I really wanted to so I didn’t let go of my drum – I just kept going.

First, I met the Sun – as in astrology or perhaps Tarot, who told me to rid myself of the shadows that follows me. Actually, said shadows were hanging from my back, like broken wings.

Before moving on, I saw a huge man with enormous horns, from a distance. He said nothing, so I have no idea of who he is or what he wanted. But it seemed like he was either introducing himself, or judging me for something. I wouldn’t know.

However; it wasn’t until after the horned man things got really interesting.

It’s always quite dark during my journeys. Sight is dim and foggy. But I did see a dark, wet and slippery stairway made of stone, leading down into some.. something.

I started descending the stairs, and was met by myself, reaching up from the darkness. It was me during my time in the pit, desperate for someone to take away the pain, to help me get through the misery.

It was a very odd thing, holding a younger version of me in my arms, whispering words of support, of promise, of understanding and compassion. But also sort of heart-breaking, telling her that we have to split here. That I cannot carry the weight of her, because I need to move on.

I also met two younger versions of myself. I met me at the age of, somewhere about 6 – 7 years old, and I met me as a newborn child.

I made the same promise to them, I gave the same understanding and compassion, love – and it was equally heart-breaking to tell them we had to part ways.

It’s important to separate myself from them. The weight of my past does slow me down, it does prevent me from moving forward, to enter my Life, as it should be.

I should have taken the opportunity to also forgive my younger selves, but to be totally honest – I didn’t even think of it. It’ll have to be a journey, specifically for that.

I know I repeat this a lot, but I never cease to be amazed of how effective this practise is. Power animal, spiritual guides or not, the power of journeying is immense.

…

Already when I picked up my drum before I started, I also realized that there are two paths that needs to be followed in my life. I tend to overwhelm myself and be so passionate about something I love (photography), that I forget basically everything else around me.

But – I need photography in my life, and I need my spiritual journey. Both are equally important, just in very, very different ways. But both makes me feel really good, so I need to not forget either of them.