I just came to think about Don Miguel Ruiz and his book, the Four Agreements. And it struck me that while I already have my own view on the tumour that moved into my boob, I can still make an even more concious agreement with myself on the matter. So, here goes.
The first part of my agreement with myself regarding cancer (in general, but at the moment, in particular my breast cancer) is that it’s not deadly. I am not going to die, and this is a temporary situation which will be dealt with through treatment and medicine.
The second part of this agreement is that while it’s true that both my parents, both my granddads and my youngest uncle all died from cancer, I will be the one to break the cycle. I am not going to repeat the pattern – I am going to live and thrive and continue my journey to be the best version of myself, including my health.
The third part of my agreement with myself is that while I may, at this very moment, have a boob that is altered in size and shape, this will not be the truth over time. In one way or the other, I will end up with symmetric boobs in size and shape.
The fourth part of the agreement is that while this is not the worst thing that has ever happened to me, it’s all right to be overwhelmed and to grieve. But that grief will have to be focused on the situation itself, and include whatever I’m learning from it. This grief may not interfer with the rest of my life, nor will it be allowed to take over.
The fifth part is that I am not my tumour, and my tumour is not me. My tumour was well defined and has been removed from my physical frame. It is no longer a part of me, and has nothing to do with my identity. I will not succumb to identifying with cancer, and keep my distance from it. This includes not associating myself with people who drown themselves in sorrow and life crisis, to avoid adapting those feelings for myself.
The sixth part is that this experience will not be allowed to mess with how I live my life. I will continue to practise my yoga, and I will continue to work on how I percieve myself as a woman – and express myself as such.
The seventh part of this agreement is that while it may not be the worst that has ever happened to me, I am still going to learn whatever can be learned and bring it with me as a valuable lesson.
…
That will have to be it, for the moment. I may, or I may not, add more agreements over time. But this should do for starters – so let’s live by it, in regards to my experience with cancer.
