I’m very happy and pleased to see that my boob seem to be healing quite well. Right after surgery, it was sore and tender for about two weeks, but for the last couple of days I’ve noticed that the soreness no longer resides. I’m tender to the touch at certain specific, well defined spots, but not in general.
It seems like I am going through a change of mindset. I’m amazed at how well that works – flabbergasted, almost. Last weekend (saturday, today is wednesday) I decided that the feeling-sorry-for-myself-exhaustion had to end, for oh, so many reasons. Mainly because it’s exhausting and extremely tiresome.
And that alone – that decision, has made me feel a lot better. Even the way I think about this whole situation has changed. I did spend almost the entire last week ruminating about the size and shape of my boobs, and how different it is now. But since my decision, I’ve nearly let it be – at least conciously.
I’m still a bit tired. I haven’t begun taking any properly long walks with my dog, but we’ll get there. I have, however, been prolonging my yoga practice every other day or so. Today, I did my first almost full practise – and for the first time on the floor, putting my weight on my arms. It worked, it felt good, and I’ll keep doing it. It’s been over two weeks since surgery, and the surgeon said to wait two weeks with my yoga (which I didn’t, naturally – I waited six days), but if I’m careful and pay attention to how it feels during and more importantly so, after and the day after, I think I’ll be fine.
This is a perfect example of a time where working on both body and mind is extremely useful. My focus during yoga has been, is and will continue to be (for a longer period of time) to breathe in health, wealth of health, and wealth itself, but also to let go of everything that doesn’t need to be in my body.
Returning to boob observations, though. Those spots where I’m still sore and tender at the touch are widely spread and not at all where I expected. I have a spot just underneath my boob – but that one was considerably less tender today. Then there are two others in my armpit, and I suppose that’s where they extracted lymph nodes.
The funny thing is – I have no problem lifting my arm above my head. I was worried about that, but no problem whatsoever. Sure, those sore spots in my armpit feels like they’ll need to be stretched repeatedly. But that’s what I do yoga for, so I don’t worry much about that.
Oh, and also. I think doing my yoga has participated in the wound itself to heal. Sounds weird when I think about it, but I actually think it has. Every day my boob has felt better, and the wound not as tight as before. I haven’t removed the tape, so I don’t really know what it looks like beneath, but I’ve seen a tiny bit of it where the tape fell off. To my untrained eyes, it looks quite all right.
And now, it’s less than a week until I’m going back to talk to the surgeon I met the first time. Judgement day, one might say. I’ll find out what happens next, but until I know, I refuse to worry. I’ve already been wondering and ruminating, but I won’t, unless I have to.
Oh, and a parentheses. Before surgery, I found out how much I weigh. I didn’t want to know, and there’s a reason for that. However, I thought for myself today, that the good thing with it is that I have all the fun stuff left. And with that, I mean becoming smaller, more happy with myself, et cetera. Not too bad of a future, no!? ♥
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I have made thank you-cards to give to the surgeons involved, as well as the anesthesia team, and the ward where I was staying before the surgeon came to talk to me after the surgery. I am so pleased that I invested in my new printer, so I can print them myself. And despite the fact I’m a bit offended by the fact that my body produced this tumour, I am very happy and pleased with the care I’ve recieved. I am hoping that I’ll get the further help I need (which I will), but also perhaps a reconstruction of my boob since I feel so much of it is gone.
We’ll see what happens with that. Right now, I’m just so grateful that I am doing as well as I am. My dad was so worried I’d be alone when he died – and I am, in one sense. But I’ve gone through this with support of friends – and the rest of it, I’ve done all by myself. I am standing up, and I am extremely proud of myself for my mindset and how I’ve handled this whole situation. But if there’s something I’ve learned through my life, it is to adapt to any situation.
That’s got to count for something.
