Just about to start my yoga practise today, I realized that – damn, my debt settlement really IS only two months from being completely done. As such, it also struck me that – what a great time to leave all that has ever had to do with it behind, to leave whatever remains of any victimization I’ve done to myself behind, and find new purpose and direction in my life.
I made so many poor choices when I was younger. Most of them, because I didn’t know better. Others, because I wanted to be normal but had no idea how to.
What happens with a person after making decisions and choices the way I have – they tend to bite you in the arse, years and years and years later. That’s what happened to me. I think it’s taken me about 15 years, or so, to get back on track with my life. The debt settlement is one huge piece of that.
Now, having been in front of all those choices that’s haunted me for all those years, it is very, very easy to see oneself as an unlucky person, a victim of circumstances out of ones control, et cetera. Please remember that (note to self).
All of a sudden, I am free. Liberty is indeed one of the most important things for me, so being set free is… I have no words for it. The gratitude is both mental, emotional, spiritual and physical – endless.
A friend said that I’ll get back to being a worthy member of society again, and she’s right. Finally, my money will be my own. Noone can take them away from me. That in itself is a freedom beyond anything I have felt for many, many years. This means the possibility to recieve.
The bottom line of.. well, my mind works in its own ways, that’s for sure. And the way my mind works, is that finances is what gives freedom, the way we have built our society. And when we are deprived of money, we have no options other than the very least we might be given from those who have money.
Being a fully worthy member of society, there’s noone who can take my options or choices away from me. That is how I choose to see it from now on. From right now (there are two payments left, since I paid one couple of days ago), anything can happen that will improve my financial situation to the degree where I can actually get what I want. That is how my mind works. That is how strong the agreement I have with society – that you can’t have anything unless you pay for it, and if you don’t have any money, you can’t have it.
The reason I began writing this post, was to ponder on where to go from now on. Obviously, I got stuck in writing something else, but it certainly is something I want to think about. Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? How do I want to create and shape my life, now that it is opening up in such a wonderous way?
I admit to being slightly flabbergasted by this. I didn’t really expect my mindset to change like it is. Suddenly, I feel like I really can fly.
