Tomorrow is my birthday. That’s the only day in the year that actually means something to me. Or, well, at least it has been. These days, especially this year, there are plenty to celebrate.
On March 9, it was one entire year since I had my last chemo. That, in itself, is worth celebrating to such a degree, it’s impossible to fathom. Back then, it felt like I’d never be done, that I’d always feel sick and weak, that I’d never get well again, never have the energy to take a long walk with Boyo.
And here I am, one year later, feeling quite all right. Mind you, my feet are troubling me, but other than that – quite all right. My stress tolerance might be a bit lower than before, and that’s saying something, since I didn’t have any at all back then. It may also take even longer to fully land, but in general – I’m okay.
The gratitude I have for this being in hindsight, rather than before me or being in the midst of it, is endless. It is so worth celebrating in some way.
Add to that, my birthday tomorrow. I don’t care about the numbers. This time, I’ll be 48 – which, by the way, is older than my birthgiver. What is important is the fact that regardless of how I feel about my birthgiver, she did squeeze me out between her thighs. I came out into this world, and I think that’s worth celebrating.
And on top of these things – I have three payments left on my debt settlement, then I’m done. After so many years, I’ll be free of financial debt – finally. Once again, I’ll be a normal person, and the financial restrictions will be lifted. It’s like a whole new life lies ahead of me, and that feeling is indeed exhilirating. It means anything can happen. And the best of it is; whatever money I get, will be mine.
I have no idea of how to celebrate all these things. Oh, I know of many things I’d like to do. Get a new tattoo. Get a new cellphone. Get a car. And perhaps I will. For once, I am going to allow life to present me with opportunities, rather than wishing them to come.
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Oh, and while I’m at it – let me also remind myself of things that I am proud of. The debt settlement for sure, but actually – my hair. I am proud, not to mention grateful, of my hair. It is such an important part of who I am, and I have worked so hard for it to grow as much as possible. And it has. It’s still not long enough for my taste and preference, but it is quite a lot. It is just the way it used to be – thick, wild and curly – and I love it.
It’s quite interesting, actually. When I was younger, all I wanted was straight hair. I found a way to have it – and then came chemo, so I lost all of it. And now that it’s growing back, I actually love the way it looks. I am learning new ways to care for it, and my home made natural hair care makes it look amazing. I can only imagine what it’ll look like once it gets longer and longer again. I really can’t wait (presently, it is at a length where I can’t do anything with it, really).
Last, but not least (for the moment) – I am immensely grateful for everything I’ve learned during the last couple of years. This whole journey through cancer treatments has taught me more than I could or would have learned in years. While taught in a very extreme and harsch way, I really appreciate the knowledge and understanding I have acquired.
