Me, Myself and I
When going through miserable times, such as chemo therapy, it’s important to find ways to pull through. I found one, quite unexpectedly, but both useful and effective. I found Me, Myself and I – but not in the sense that I’ve done before. Oh, I still have all the people I’ve been and will become, but this Me, Myself and I is different.
Very early on in chemo treatment, I started visualizing this whole process as one black tunnel with a large circle at the end, shining bright. That’s the goal. Getting out on the other side of treatment – quite simply. And in that circle, I could see ME – future ME, the ME who’s done with chemo therapy. She’s just there, waiting for the present ME to join her so we can become one. And she’s been there since a long time, waiting for me to catch up. Her patience is much more evolved than mine, let me tell you. 😀
Isn’t that just such a beautiful image?
I love it. Really, I do. She and I have a rope between us, and she’s pulling me towards her, and I am pulling towards her. Me, Myself and I. We’re working on our joining process, to become one.
And I’m thinking that perhaps this is what was needed for my goal to join body, mind and spirit. I’ve been working with that through my entire yoga journey, and have been getting closer, but not there quite yet. This whole project, going through chemo and soon radiation to prevent tumour to pop up in the future, really forces you to grow as a person as well. You have no choice, because you have to relate to the situation, to what is happening to your body and how to relate to those changes.
I think that perhaps my compassion is about to expand and explode. I consider myself a fairly compassionate person, but perhaps it’ll grow into something else. I already feel that I can look back at the Self I was when all this started, and that I could provide her (me) with comfort, insights and love.
All of this melds into the learning of letting go of today and preparing for tomorrow, living in the moment. Once my treatments are done, I am going to leave it behind me and not let it weigh me down. It is behind me, and I will no longer be inside the experience – thus, not suffering anylonger. I can remember it, but I don’t have to dwell on it.
It is my hope that everything that I learn from this, will be incoorporated into my every day life. As it happens, most of these things will be intense and alive in my mind for a while – and then they will become less important for the top level of my conciousness. However; I would like for them to meld into the way I am and function. That they become part of how I live, how I make choices and decisions. How I view myself, my body, others, and life in general.
I must confess – I am so very, very grateful for my ability to visualize, and the richness of my mind. It does indeed help immensely when shaping my world and pulling through – at least in these circumstances.
I also believe that the circumstances with my tumour and following chemo therapy was the idea of my spiritual guides and power animal. They did shut the door on me last spring, but I really do believ that they came up with this experience, only to teach me the hard way when I was so slow to learn by myself. And I’ve got to admit – going through this certainly does instill the lesson.
I am becoming me, to even further extent than before. ♥