Releasing poison
So, after my very last chemo, I am experiencing a very odd sensation of having a smell or taste of poison inside my body. I feel like I stink toxic on the inside, and I feel like I can smell that same sour, bitter and musty taste on my body. It really is disgusting.
I asked about this in a Facebookgroup I’m in, for women who has/had breast cancer, and this seem to be common. While I’m happy I’m not the only one, it still does suck.
So I’ve been thinking about how to get rid of it. The women I’ve talked to says it’ll linger for quite a while, but I don’t want that. So I figured I’ll have to do some sort of spiritual and physical cleansing, to rid myself of the toxic shit.
I’m still too tired to do yoga – I hope I can start on Monday (writing this on Saturday, my birthday), to raise some positive energy and clean the system. In couple of weeks, I’ll start a week long egg fast to clean up that system.
And I am also going to do a spiritual clean up. I started a little bit yesterday, by experiencing a rather large pool of thick, nasty, bubbly poison positioned in the centre of my body. It’s the remains of all the chemo that’s been pumped through my system, and it’s not done yet. It did take the form of a very nasty, horror-inspired woman – and I actually told her, very firmly, that she has to leave.
I actually am a bit amused in the midst of the annoyance. Thinking back on the last 18 months or so, going through my re-birth process, then this whole journey on chemo – it feels like I am forced to release all the toxic stuff that my body contains. And that’s a lot, considering everything with my birth-giver. I think it’s a bit harsch to put me through this specific experience with chemo therapy, but I suppose there’s a point in that as well. Perhaps as “easy” as learning and confirm how and why to release all those toxic things that keep hiding in one’s body.
The brain fog produced by chemo therapy also very clearly creates a before and after. Everything that happened before this, and during this treatment, was before. I am still foggy as hell, but as it clears up I think this will be a very sharp marker for the old and the new.
With that in mind, I admit to being very curious what my power animal and the rest of my people on the other side have in mind for me. At some point, I was told that I am a storyteller, but it doesn’t really make sense to me. I have yet to fully understand what that means, so we’re on the same page.
All I know at the moment is that I need to get rid of these toxic remains inside my body – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I’m ok with that. At least where chemo and sugar is concerned. I’m even considering to quit smoking, but that is something I may need som help with. We’ll see. But my main concern is the chemo and the sugar. Perhaps it is the first step on living the life I want to – free of toxin, with a more natural intake of energy.
When it comes to the physical part, I am allowing myself to eat sugar until the end of the month. I am still in the tree week cycle that’s been rolling throughout this entire treatment. On April 1, I am kickstarting my egg fast for a week, then one week of meat only. I hope to combine that with yoga and my spiritual cleaning process by then, as well.
I expect all this to go very well. I also expect my power animal and the rest of them to open the door in some sort of near future.
But first; allow myself some rest through March, and then I’ll get started.