New truths
It’s been a week, today, since my last chemo therapy. I am finally – finally, done. The level of gratitude is endless, even if I still haven’t really grasped the fact that this is the last time I have to go through the effects, and that the only road ahead is that of recovery.
Me and Boyo had our first, proper walk today, in a long time. I didn’t think I’d make it (before we left), but we walked slowly – and I did make it. It went so well that I’m thinking about doing that as often as possible, even now that it’s been only a week since the very last chemo.
While walking, I was thinking about things such as what I consider true on a given day, and how that truth can change and be something else on another day. And I decided that I am going to focus on changing some of the truths – or agreements (Don Miguel Ruiz), for that matter, that has been present in my life for a very long time.
An example of this is;
I don’t have any money.
At this very, precise moment, I have basically no money. It’s been a while since I was out of money like this (for good reason, though – I did pay my electrical and Internet bills), so it’s a bit uncomfortable. I get my pension on Monday, though, so it’s not really a big deal.
However; while it may not be a big deal, today it IS true.
But that doesn’t mean it have to be true tomorrow. Tomorrow, I may have more money than I can spend.
So; what’s true today doesn’t have to be tomorrow, or the day after that, or ever. It’s a mindset rather than a fixed point (in time and space, as is sometimes said in Dr. Who).
Which means that one thing that I am going to start making a habit of, is asking myself what is my truth today. If a negative one, I’ll also ask how I can change it. It doesn’t have to be any big, life-changing things, as long as today’s truth make me feel good.
One, fairly life-changing truth I am currently working on changing is de-cluttering my home. About two weeks ago, I realized (due to my landlord commenting on my cleaning skills, due to me wanting to move apartments) that I have become my mother. I have so much stuff that I don’t even know that I have. So much unnecessary.. stuff, that doesn’t have to be here.
So I’ve begun removing everything I didn’t know that I had, everything I haven’t used in years and years, all those tiny things that you don’t know are there but collect dust, et cetera. Due to my last chemo last week, it’s a slow progress, but I am doing it – and doing it quite hardcore, onto that. I’m ruthless in what I throw away.
I realized that I need very little to survive (as in practical stuff like plates, pans et cetera). What I do need is space to keep my hobbies. I live my entire life at home, and instead of keeping loads of things I don’t need, I want to be able to have all my hobbies AND keep a tidy home at the same time.
Hence the getting rid of all the endless stuff that I’ve kept for so long, but never used.
Plus, obviously, the fact that when I get rid of the old (the art of letting go, even in the material world), there will be room for new, good, constructive things. I see this as a part of the re-birth process I went through, and as the chemo therapy’s been part of as well.
And I must admit – all of this work, hard as it is (physically, so close to the last chemo), makes me feel really good about myself. From now on, it can only get better. ♥
More truths will reveal themselves over time.