Ripple effects
I did something new today. I listened to om chanting during my yoga practice, which actually did some good in quieting my mind. I usually tend to think of all sorts of things, and I wanted to try and see if there was a difference. At some point last year, I tried listening to shamanic drums for journeying, but that didn’t work well at all.
This did, however.
Saying that I had an experience is closer to the truth than saying that I did a journey, today. When I was done with my yoga, resting on the floor, the om chant changed slightly and made me think of water. Suddenly, I saw myself as a mermaid – but not as me, right now, in this body, in this life. Me, as in some other life I’ve lived. And actually – the mermaid is a life that was.. presented to me by a being channnelled by my friend few weeks back. A being who was on a path of joy, and referred to me as the mermaid.
The mermaid me was waving her arms in the water, leaving trails of black and blue colour swirling around. It made me think of ripples in the water, and how even the smallest things we do have an effect on everything else. That, in turn, made me think of concious movement – awareness, and in a sense, presence. Which just happens to be the two words that I wanted to work with this year.
These two things, ripple effects and concious movement, really made an impact on me. I was cold on the floor, so I didn’t stay long in the experience. I’m sure I would’ve gotten more out of it had I chosen to stay longer, but that’ll have to wait for another day. But ripple effects and concious movement.
And I don’t necessarily mean them as physical. It could be mental, intellectual, cognitive, energetical or spiritual – or something else entirely. But if I choose to move conciously, I will create ripple effects. Much like described in David Eddings series about Belgarion – or at least that was something that came to mind (also with how I was thinking about the dark gray beads I’ve bought, symbolizing air and the power it takes to move something).
Is it magic, then?
One thing that struck me, watching myself as the mermaid create swirling colour patterns in the water, was that the colour came from within. If there’s something I’ve been wondering, it is how the Empress in Tarot, manages to produce energy enough to fertile and create all that wealth and abundance. This made me realize it’s really coming from herself – or, in the mermaid’s case, myself (me having been her).
It is indeed very similar to the answer I gave to a question on a course to start a company, many years ago. I don’t remember the question exactly, but it has to do with who or what is or becomes this company/business? The answer is – I am/do.
Everything has to come from within.
And if what’s within isn’t enough, one has to draw energy from the surroundings. Without taking too much, of course – but to channel energy through oneself, and use it to create.
Everything it becoming more clear to me, every day. And I am still in total awe as to how I am learning and understanding more and more. I know I’m repeating myself, but the gratitude I have for my power animal and the rest of them, have no limits. I am becoming, I am getting stronger and stronger, by the day. I am getting fuller. That which contains me is more and more whole.
And I am beautiful.
It is quite the experience, thinking about oneself like that, after a life full of self-hatred, resenting oneself, doubting, questioning and loathing oneself. It’s such a relief, such a blessing to feel complete, the way I do right now. And I am beginning to feel that who I am on the inside, step by step, is starting to merge with who I am on the outside.
Or vice versa, for that matter. 😀
Awareness and presence – the two concept I’ve been wanting to work on. I think I just recieved some sort of tool, to understand and implement. As usual, I’m not really sure of how, yet, but it’ll come to me.
Bloody hell. This is so cool. This is soooo fucking amazing. Before my yoga practise, I began writing a post about how I’d talk about this with my dad who was an over the top sceptic. He’d say that all this is my imagination, that none of it is true. And perhaps he’s right. But trust me when I tell you; I find it really hard to believe that all the things I’ve learned has been stored in my concious mind. If so, why would I need such slow lessons, so much symbolism, so many patterns, to understand and learn.
Or is it all in there?
I don’t know. And I don’t care of this is “true” or “real” or not. I’m learning. I am growing, expanding, all that becoming. Who cares who teaches me, or not? I am just grateful someone does, and that I am open to the learning process – which, by the way, is completely adapted to who I am, how I interpret things, understand and learn from them.